She Always did Love to Dance
by nubesdelchocolate
Summary: Rayne, WARNING: River dies.  This story is the angsty aftermath. Complete
1. Chapter 1

**She Always did Love to Dance**

AN: I warned you out there, but I'll just repeat, River dies, this story is about the rest of the crew, mostly Jayne, but plenty of Simon, with a little bit of all the rest, and how they deal with it.

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**PART 1**

The job went wrong– horribly, terribly wrong. They were ambushed, which they had been expecting thanks to River. What they hadn't expected were the twenty extra men that dropped out of the sky. Apparently these were very well funded bandits who could afford a shuttle. They had been too far away for River to sense and had dropped down, surrounding them in seconds.

Bullets were flying all over the place and the crew of Serenity would have been finished if River hadn't gone into action and Jayne hadn't been well hidden in the nearby trees. He was able to take them out steadily and the bandits couldn't figure out where the extra bullets were flying from in the commotion. Finally, the last bandit fell gasping and everything was silent.

Zoe went over to grab the money and the crate of goods they had been selling when Mal suddenly cried out in a panicked voice, "River?!"

And then she saw his brown coat streak by as Mal ran to where a few dead bandits were piled. She took off running after him and as she neared the pile she saw what had caught the captain's attention.

A slim leg and a bit of blue silk peaked out from under one of the bandits's bodies. Mal shoved the body off and knelt down next to River, taking her wrist and watching her chest, hoping to catch a movement of breath.

But she was still, as dead as the body that had lain on top of her. The captain looked all over for a bullet wound, a knife cut, something. Finally, he saw the small dart that had hit her on the back of her neck. A tiny thing really, but when Mal pulled it out he could smell the poison on the needle. He'd smelled that smell before and while most poisons are odorless, tasteless, in order to be more easily used, this one was tricky.

This one could be smuggled in mass quantities because if the authorities were to search suspicious cargo, they would just smell the cinnamon and never investigate further. As the captain of a smuggling ship, these thoughts ran through his head. As the former adopted father of the pale girl in front of him, all he could think was that Sinamon killed within ten seconds and there was no antidote.

Mal dropped his head into his hands, trying to take some deep breaths which his lungs were making very difficult to do. A single tear slid down Zoe's cheek, but she stood as sure and straight as ever.

Neither of them heard the heavy footfalls of Jayne's approach, but they certainly heard the quiet, pain-filled, "_No_," that escaped his mouth.

Mal's head shot up and Zoe turned around to watch in shock as Jayne ran to River, threw himself on the ground, and gathered her to his chest all the while repeating, "No!" Each time getting louder and more forceful, until he was screaming into her face and clutching her head to keep it from rolling back unnaturally.

Then, he started babbling, "No, baby, you can't, you promised, you can't leave me here, this ain't right, now wake up, wake up, wake up!" He had begun to shake and great gulping sobs wracked his body as he continued to hold River tightly to him.

Mal and Zoe stood to the side completely shocked, whether from River's death or the revelation of her relationship with Jayne, neither could say. It took quite a while to collect themselves, but by the time they did, Jayne was no longer babbling. He sat, silently rocking forward and back, River still held limply in his arms.

Mal walked over and carefully placed a hand on Jayne's shoulder. He felt Jayne tense up. Mal said quietly, "Jayne, come on, let's bring her back to Serenity." Jayne gave a tiny nod and stood, scooping River up into his arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**She Always did Love to Dance**

**PART 2**

The shuttle docked and when the door swung open, Simon was waiting out on the catwalk. Mal had called back to the ship to say they wouldn't need a doctor, but something in his voice had made Simon's stomach drop. So he waited, Kaylee at his side.

Zoe stepped out first, briefly met his eyes, then looked away. She walked past and stopped behind him on the walks. Mal stepped out next, saw Simon and didn't look away. This was his duty as captain.

"Simon, there was an accident . . ."

Simon didn't hear anything else as a sharp ringing had begun in his ears. Then he saw Jayne step out of the shuttle, River's body limp and still, both of them covered in blood.

He heard Kaylee gasp and begin to sob behind him, he saw Jayne's face filled with pain, still red from crying, he felt Zoe's arms holding him back firmly, but he couldn't remember starting forward in the first place.

Mal was holding him back, too, his hands on Simon's shoulders. Mal's face was right in front of his. So why could Simon only see River?

"She's gone, she's been gone a while, hurting someone or hurting yourself isn't going to help, Simon . . . Simon? Simon, breathe!"

_Oh right, that's what I'm forgetting to do_, was Simon's last thought before he passed out.

Mal and Zoe scooped him up, "Jayne, let's go," and gave a pained look at Inara who, tears pouring down her own face, was holding on tightly to a sobbing Kaylee.

They went down the stairs, putting Simon down on the couch in the common room. Jayne walked into the infirmary and placed River on the bed. He walked over to the sink and filled a bowl with water, grabbed a few cloths and went back to the bed. He mechanically began to clean her up, as carefully as he cleaned his guns. Jayne worked his way over River's entire body, cleaning off every bit of dirt and blood that had stained her pale skin.

About halfway through Zoe walked in and placed a bundle on the edge of the bed. Jayne looked up to see River's favorite dress folded neatly with her hairbrush on top. He gave a tiny nod at Zoe and then returned to his self-appointed task.

Zoe checked on Simon who was still out and then went up to the mess, a tight smile crossing her face at the sight she saw there. Mal, Inara, and Kaylee were on the couch in the corner. Kaylee had cried herself to sleep, her head on Inara's lap. Inara's head rested on Mal's shoulder, his arm around her with his cheek resting on her hair.

Zoe passed by unnoticed and continued on to the bridge. Laying in a course for Haven, Zoe gently ran her hand over the spines of a plastic dinosaur, "Baby, we're bringing another angel to keep you boys company."

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AN: This story is very cathartic for me and I wanted to get across the idea that everyone reacts very different to death. Please review so that I know I'm not just spewing therapeutic pseudo-fiction to make myself feel better, but legitimately putting out a story out of which other people can get something. 


	3. Chapter 3

**She Always did Love to Dance**

AN: Thank you so much for your reviews everyone. They mean a lot to me.

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**PART 3**

Jayne had just finished brushing River's hair when he heard movement out on the couch. Jayne looked out and saw Simon looking back in, not at him, but at River. From the look on his face, he was now realizing that none of it had been just a bad dream. Simon got up and walked slowly into the room. He looked at River, taking in the dress, the clean and brushed hair and the hand that Jayne was holding.

"How long?"

The question surprised Jayne, but he knew exactly what the doctor was asking. "It really began 'bout five months ago, but things have been different since Miranda"

Simon nodded, never taking his eyes off River's face. "About five months?"

"Five months, one week, two days, and eleven hours."

Simon nodded again. "She's beautiful," he placed his hand on her cheek, "thank you . . . she looks like she could just be sleeping."

On the last word, Simon's voice broke and he collapsed onto the stool beside the bed, burying his face in his arms on the bed beside her as he cried.

Jayne quietly left, giving Simon time to say goodbye. He also had to clean himself up. His skin crawled at the idea of spending another second covered in the blood that she had been covered in. He rushed to the showers, scrubbing harshly with the rough soap that could get through anything- grease, gunpowder . . . blood.

His skin was raw when he finished, but he didn't care. Now his outside matched how his inside felt. That was when he realized he hadn't stopped to get clean clothes from his bunk.

_Oh, screw it_, he thought, wrapping the towel around his waist. He pulled open the door and there was Zoe, another bundle in her hand. This time, it was his clothes.

He took them and gave a grunt of acknowledgment when she told him, "We'll be landing on Haven in a little over a day."

Jayne closed the door and quickly dressed. He went to his bunk to put away his weapons, he could take care of them later, he had done enough cleaning for today.


	4. Chapter 4

**She Always did Love to Dance**

AN: Thank you, thank you, thank you, the reviews were lovely, please continue to leave them. I'm sorry about the shortness of some chapters, I've had this complaint on some of my other stories and all I can say is that chapters end when they want to. Plus, I usually write out my stories by hand and later type them up, so I have no idea how long they'll end up being.

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**PART 4**

Jayne reached under his bed and pulled out a box. Amongst the various letters from home and other things his mother had sent was a small white box. It fit easily in Jayne's palm as he lifted it up and looked inside for a moment. He shut it again quickly and realized he couldn't stay in his bunk anymore.

He climbed back out and walked through the mess. Kaylee was still asleep on the couch, but Inara was over by the stove making tea. Jayne rushed through and went down the back stairs.

He glanced into the infirmary, Simon had left, but Mal had taken his place. Jayne turned and went down the passenger dorms hallway. He stopped when he got to River's doorway. Even though this had been his destination, he paused when he saw Simon sitting on her bed.

Simon didn't say anything, he just scooted over towards the head of the bed. Jayne sat on the side near the door. He played with the white box, turning it over and over in his hands. Simon played with a teddy bear that he had bought for River when it had caught her eye at the market. She had always been a bit odd about it.

"I don't even know your name," Simon said to the bear, "I must have asked a dozen times, but she never would tell me. Do you know your own name? Can you tell me?"

"It's Jayne."

After Simon took a moment to realize that the gravelly voice had not come from the bit of cotton and fluff in his hands, he turned with a confused look to Jayne.

"That's why she never told you it's name. She called it Jayne. Said she wanted to have Jayne keep her safe and warm at night, even if I couldn't be there."

Jayne choked up then and Simon waited a few minutes before he asked, "How did it happen?"

Jayne never looked up from the white box in his hands, "I don't even know, it just kind of did. After Miranda, there was Mal and Inara and their thing, you and Kaylee, and Zoe was walking 'round here like a zombie with anger management problems. She convinced me to play hide-and-seek one day. I thought it would take a few minutes, but I searched for hours before I finally found her. She already had my respect after Mr. Universes', but this was new. Kicking ass is tough, but hiding from me is hard. She was real good at it and then she gave that little happy giggle when I did find her . . ."

Simon nodded, he had heard that giggle often when they were little, but not as much recently.

Jayne took a deep breath and continued, "After that, we started playin' together regular, and not just hide-and-seek, but that was definitely her favorite, I think she found places on this boat that the captain don't even know are there. Then one night I found her in the cargo bay. It was so easy, I had only been searchin' for 'bout 15 minutes, I knew somethin' was up. Found her behind a crate, curled up and cryin'. Everyone was off boat, in whatever town we had stopped at. I tried to help, but when I went to touch her shoulder, she lashed out, punchin' and kickin' like a mad woman, but crazy I mean, not all precise and deadly like usual– sloppy, her eyes all wild. So . . ." Jayne took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. "I slapped her"

Simon tensed, sitting up straight, he opened his mouth to say something when Jayne cut him off.

"I know, I know, I shouldn'tve done that, but I was alone and she was fightin', and I panicked. But it seemed to do her some good. Her eyes cleared up and she stopped flailin'. She gave me this look then, calculating like, made me nervous, so I started to apologize when she suddenly leaned forward and kissed me. Now I was a bit out of practice with the kissing, you don't kiss whores, but this felt good, right somehow. Then a bunch of you drove up in the mule, she pulled away and put her finger to her lips with a smile. Then she went over to greet people all cheerful and normal as if the fit and the kiss had never happened. Over the next while, she would grab me and kiss me when no one was around. To be honest, I didn't put up no objection and we never did talk about what we were doin', where it was goin' or nuthin' like that. Then she dropped down into my bunk one night and we got all the feelings stuff figured out before we – "

Jayne cleared his throat, remembering at the last minute that he was talking to her brother. "So, ya, that was five months, one week, two days, and eleven hours ago. The day I realized I loved her."

Simon relaxed all at once, those seemed to be the words he had been waiting for. "Was she happy?" he asked quietly.

"Ya, she was, we were, and she loved you a lot. Even made me stop pickin' on ya so much."

Simon gave a very watery chuckle, "I didn't notice a change."

A ghost of a smile fluttered across Jayne's face, "Ya, well, we were still workin' on that one."


	5. Chapter 5

**She Always did Love to Dance**

AN: Wonderful comments on the previous chapter, thank you so much!

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**PART 5**

When Mal walked into the room to announce that they were landing, he was surprised to see both Simon and Jayne asleep. Simon was leaning sideways on the wall, a teddy bear under his arm, and Jayne had let his head fall straight back, his mouth gaping open.

Mal cleared his throat loudly and they both jumped, looking around confused. Then the remembering started again and after a quick glance at each other, they both turned pained expressions on Mal.

"Uhh, we're touching down on Haven in a few minutes, I already waved and they have a . . . a coffin we can use." His duty done, Mal went out to the cargo bay, waiting to greet the people of Haven, or at least those who had been able to escape into the mineshafts when the Alliance had attacked and some of the new settlers that had moved in afterwards.

Once Zoe gave word that they had landed, Mal opened the bay doors and lowered the ramp. The people of Haven were gathered at the bottom of the ramp and a pang went through his heart, remembering all the times when Book had stood in their place, ready with open arms and a non-judgmental sermon that wasn't a sermon.

Mal shook off past sadnesses only to be hit hard with the new one as two Haven men carried forward a small open coffin. Mal gave them a nod and turned around to lead them to the infirmary.

He stopped in the doorway when he saw Jayne and Simon on either side of River's body, each clutching a hand. Simon looked up and motioned for the men to carry in the coffin. They brought it in and placed it next to the bed.

The two men looked uncertainly at River's guards until Jayne murmured, "We got it from here."

The Haven men nodded understandingly and left just as quietly as they had come. Mal watched as Jayne lifted River and gently placed her in the coffin. Simon smoothed her dress while Jayne rearranged her hair.

Then they each took an end and, carefully lifting it, they marched out of the infirmary, through the cargo bay, where Kaylee and Inara were quietly crying, and off the ship. They didn't pause or even change speed until they got to the hilltop that already held three markers.

They placed the coffin near them and stepped back as the rest of the crew and some of the Haven men and women walked up the hill. Some had shovels, but some were driving a wagon that held another marker. As everyone began to dig, Jayne and Simon walked over to the wagon. The rest of the crew walked up behind them.

"Have you picked something?" the technician of Haven sat in the wagon next to the marker.

"Yes, this one please," Simon handed a capture card to the man.

"Right, this shouldn't take long." The technician turned the marker around to get to the wiring that would create the holographic image on the top of the marker once it had been turned on.

And there it was, literally carved in stone, _River Tam_.

Kaylee came up and leaned into Simon's side. He put his arm around her shoulders, but it was impossible to tell who was holding up whom. Mal stood off to the side, holding Inara to his chest. Zoe wasn't near the wagon, she had gone to sit next to Wash's marker, a tiny plastic dinosaur and a Chinese prayer card on her lap.

Jayne looked back at the two couples, then went toward the coffin that was waiting as the hole beside it grew bigger and deeper. He slowed as he approached, but then suddenly sped up, walking quickly toward the cliff's edge.

He scooped up a large rock on the way and with a few running steps, he let it fly with a ferocious yell. All the pain in his heart pouring out of his mouth, burning his throat. The rock fell loudly down the cliff, its broken crashing in harmony with Jayne's harsh yell. His lungs demanding air, he collapsed to his knees. His eyes stared out over the rocky valley, but he didn't see anything.

He lost track of the time, jumping when a soft hand landed on his shoulder. He looked up into Zoe's face, "It's time." And she walked back to the now finished hole.

Jayne took a deep breath and got back on his feet. As he walked, he pulled the little white box out of his pocket.

The Haven men hung back by the wagon as River's grave was surrounded by the entire crew of Serenity, even those who had been gone for seven months.

Mal looked around, knowing that he should speak, Captain's duty and all that, but he didn't know what to say. Everyone was a little surprised when Kaylee's tearful voice rang out clear.

"She told me once that this was the only true family she had ever known. I joked that not every family had a Jayne, but she said, of course they did, he was the puppy who growled and tore up the furniture, but everyone can't help loving it anyway."

They all gave a tiny laugh at that. "She said we were a family and I know everyone here believes that and if there's one thing I know about family it's that they can get through Hell so long as they stick together."

Simon tightened his hold on her. Everyone was standing a little bit straighter. A seed of comfort was planted with Kaylee's simple words.

Jayne stepped forward and knelt beside River, the box still in his hand. "Well, you know I ain't no good with words, but you always said that my eyes said everythin' I couldn't get to come out my mouth. Well, there is somethin' that I hope you saw there because I never knew how much I'd regret not havin' the courage to say it. But I'll make a deal with you, if you wear yours, I'll wear mine and it'll be like I asked one of the million times in the last month I went to say it."

He opened the little white box and pulled out two simple gold bands, "River, will you marry me?"

A sob choked his throat then as he slid the smaller band onto her left ring finger and then did the same on his own hand with the larger band. He kissed his fingers and then pressed his hand to her cheek for the last time. Standing, he walked back to the group where Zoe put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

The Haven men came back with the coffin lid and with a hollow thump, closed River into the box. Simon couldn't help thinking that if Mal just went up and kicked the lid back off, she'd wake up screaming and alive.

But Mal never moved and Simon knew it was impossible as the men lowered the coffin into the grave.

They stood and watched as the hole was filled once again, and then all eyes were riveted to the hologram capture as it began to move over the marker. Simon and Jayne had found it under River's pillow the night before and they knew this is what she would have wanted.

In the hologram, River was dancing, twirling and leaping in the cargo bay, barefoot as always, lost in her own world until, mid-spin, Jayne stepped into frame and scooped her up, continuing to spin with River in his arms. Even without sound, it was plain to see by her face that she was laughing joyfully as she spun in the arms of the man she loved.

The hologram paused and then started over.

It continued to play as the crew left

continued to play as Serenity lifted off and out of atmo

continued to play as the sun set

continued to play just as the three other holograms continued around it

continued . . . River Tam-Cobb dancing happily forever.

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AN: Well, that's it, thank you again for reading, this story accomplished many things for me and I felt good writing it even as it made me sad, I hope there was something in there for each of you, too. 


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